where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
