I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
