from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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