Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
