remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
