Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
