Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
