He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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