She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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