i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
