So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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