This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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