Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
