Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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