so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
