Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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