how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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