There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
