She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize