sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
