i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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