So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
