You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
