I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
