At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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