Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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