Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
