it was like eating out sand paper
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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