considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
