margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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