maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
