i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
