I'm lost and stupid without you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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