I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
