Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
