Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
