Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
