I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
