You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
