Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
