I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
