they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
