just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
