college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
