We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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