Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
