this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
