my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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