did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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