I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
