like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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