:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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