I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
