I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
love makes seman taste better
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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